When people call to schedule appointments at the Dr.'s office, I need to know whether it is a sick visit or a physical. I ask, "and will this be for a sick visit or a regular check-up?" A simple answer will suffice. Something like, "oh, I'm not feeling well, or yes, just a normal physical." Sometimes they'll get into a little more detail, such as, "I need bloodwork done, " or "I have a migraine."

Quite frequently, however, they'll go into the gory and unwanted details before I have time to stop them. "There's mold growing on my head" or "It burns when I pee." I try to interrupt them before they continue. "Okay," I say, "I can schedule in tomorrow morning. Please hang up now."

For some reason, listening to things that go wrong with the human body gives me goosebumps. A malfunctioning toaster or DVD player is fine, but when a human malfunctions I am filled with terror. Absolute terror. Other receptionists have it worse. "You have an abcess on your breast? Yes, I think you should come to the office." Or, "A hernia? you should go to the emergency room."

Patients, pardon me, but I'd like to keep the contents of my lunch.